


Disambiguation

by KanoNavi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boss Fight, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Goro Big Bang 2020, Second Awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28998534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanoNavi/pseuds/KanoNavi
Summary: “If you feel out of touch with yourself, perhaps you could start with finding all of your pieces.”“You say that like it’s easy.”“I’m well aware that it isn't. But I can’t possibly tell you where else to start.”“I know. And it’s not your job to do so.”-After forming a certain friendship a few years earlier, Goro Akechi turned his back on Shido and struck out to change the world for the better. But after the Phantom Thieves encounter Shido's cognitive version of himself, Akechi has no choice but to face his past mistakes so that he can finally move on towards a better future.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Kitagawa Yusuke, Akechi Goro & Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro & Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37
Collections: Goro Big Bang 2020





	Disambiguation

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Goro Big Bang 2020
> 
> Check out my partner [Salzki](https://twitter.com/salzki) for some [awesome art](https://twitter.com/salzki/status/1354083458457460737) of this fic!
> 
> And a huge thank you to [Zi](https://twitter.com/atonalremix) for being my beta and also for being super sweet and encouraging!

“Y’know, for a yakuza, that guy wasn’t really all that tough.” Ryuji comments as the phantom thieves walk through the engine room. With the final letter of introduction in hand, all they have to do is use their letters on the door to the representatives’ chamber and the route to the treasure will be secured at long last.

“Oh, _please.”_ Ann scoffs. “You would’ve been done for if I hadn’t healed you at the last second.”

“Well, _yeah,_ but-”

_“Can it, you two. Letters first. Bickering later.”_ Futaba says dryly into their ears. Ann and Ryuji both mutter apologies, before crashing right into Akira, who’d stopped dead in his tracks.

“There’s something here.” He says, right as Akechi feels a prickling sensation on the back of his neck. He whirls around, the other phantom thieves quickly follow, but their jaws drop as they realize who is approaching them. Akechi (or, at least, someone who _looks_ like him) casually walks towards them from the direction they’d just come. Out of the corner of his eye, Akechi sees Haru and Yusuke sneaking looks at him, as if to confirm that he hadn’t suddenly vanished from the group.

But something is different about this Akechi. Instead of the white and red princely garb that Akechi normally sports in the metaverse, this one wears a tan uniform with the crest of a prestigious high school emblazoned on his breast pocket. No mask is covering his face either. Other than the conspicuous lack of light in this new Akechi’s eyes, he’s the spitting image of how the real Akechi had looked when he’d returned to Shido as their double agent, less than a month ago.

“Could that be…?” Morgana trails off, reluctant to finish his sentence.

_“That must be Shido’s cognition of Crow…”_ Futaba finishes his thought.

All around him, Akechi feels the other phantom thieves tense, preparing for an attack. Akira steps up to the front of the group, ready to confront the newcomer. Drawing his raygun from its holster, Akechi joins him, standing shoulder to shoulder with their leader. The cognition continues walking towards the group, showing no sign of stopping, so Akechi raises his gun and points it at his copy. At the sight of the weapon, the cognition stops, looks Akechi in the eye, and smiles. But it’s a strange smile. It looks plastic on his face.

“Why so hostile, Phantom Thieves? I’ve taken your side twice now.” The false Akechi puts his hands up, still smiling his plastic smile. He appears to be unarmed, but Akechi doesn’t lower his gun.

“Even if you had any right to claim credit for what Crow’s done for us, I doubt you’re here to congratulate us on beating up the rest of Shido’s lackeys.” Akira shoots back, his voice lacking humor.

“A stellar deduction, Leader.” The plastic grin transforms into a sneer. “I guess you could say I’ve done some thinking about my _mistakes.”_

“Mistakes, eh? Care to tell me what those might be?” Akechi asks, despite every bit of logic and reason in his mind telling him that he doesn’t want to know.

“Well, for starters, I really regret my own ingratitude.” The cognition’s twisted sneer morphs into an expression of false remorse. “Twice now, I was in the position where all of my greatest desires could be fulfilled, and what did I decide to do? Throw it all away. I just can’t comprehend it…” He shakes his head sadly. “It’s a miracle how merciful Master Shido is… He’s given me a _third_ chance to make something useful out of my worthless existence!”

Akechi flinches involuntarily at the fake’s gleeful cry. It’s obvious enough for him to take notice, and that sneer returns to his face, now full of malice.

“Did I touch a nerve there? You _must_ be able to see it too; how _meaningless_ your so-called “justice” really is. You and your little ragtag group don’t stand a chance against Master Shido, and you in _particular,_ Goro Akechi, are _nothing_ without his patronage!” The false Akechi jeers at him.

“All you’re doing is proving how pathetic Shido really is if he’d be willing to take back someone who turned on him _twice_ now. If anything, maybe _he’s_ the one who needs _me!”_ Akechi’s trembling voice makes any bite his comeback might’ve had completely null. Even his gun arm is beginning to shake, but then he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“ _Don’t listen to him, man.”_ Ryuji mutters into his ear, before facing down the cognition. “We’ve all been standing here and listening to you go on and on, but I bet you’re just scared! It’s 1 against 9 here. Shido’s “patronage” or whatever might be great ‘n all, but I think it’s about to screw you over big time.”

“If that’s the case, then I think you’re severely underestimating me.” The fake Akechi replies smugly.

_“He might not be bluffing. I don’t know what he’s planning, but he’s powerful. Maybe even more powerful than that cleaner guy.”_ Futaba tells them.

“ _Oh, you’ve_ got _to be kidding me…”_ Akechi hears Ann mutter as the phantom thieves all draw their weapons, prepared to fight. For a moment, the cognition is silent, examining each of them one by one, ending with the real Akechi, staring down the barrel of his gun.

“I suppose that if you lot really were able to outwit Master Shido, I shouldn’t underestimate you either. But I’ve prepared myself for that. After all, dying so someone like Master Shido might live really is the best use for a mistake like me-”

“JUST _SHUT UP_ ALREADY!” Akechi’s shout cuts the fake off as he fires right at his forehead. But before the laser bullet can reach the cognition, something stops it. The air between the cognitive Akechi and the phantom thieves wavers, revealing the outline of an angular humanoid form. There’s a faint glow from a pair of expressionless eyes, and Akechi feels his blood run cold.

“What in the world was that?!” Makoto exclaims.

“It looked like a persona... But that’s impossible!” Morgana adds.

“Oh? You don’t already know?” The fake Akechi looks genuinely surprised for a moment, but then his sadistic grin returns. “So you’ve been hiding your true power from your allies for all this time? How very like you, Goro Akechi.” 

“ _That’s not-”_ He tries to deny it, especially as he feels the other phantom thieves’ gazes boring right into him, but he can’t find the words to do so.

_“We can talk about that later, something’s happening!”_ Futaba’s warning brings their attention back to the cognitive Akechi, who’s already begun to transform. Right before their eyes, his prim detective outfit is absorbed by blue flames, burning away to reveal a set of black armor in its place. Black gloved hands sharpen into claws, a short black cape emerges from the shoulders, its hem ratty and torn. Finally, the cognition’s head is hidden by a black helmet and mask which resembled Akechi’s own, aside from the two curled horns adorning it.

“I must say, it’s quite foolish to think this battle would be so one-sided.” The cognition snaps its gloved fingers, summoning four shadows to its side. “Now... let me remind you of the power you’re letting go to waste- Come, _LOKI!”_

The fake rips off its mask, and a persona appears before them. Angular in shape and covered in black and white stripes zig-zagging every which way, the persona, Loki, was dizzying to look at. It perched nonchalantly on the hilt of a greatsword, the blade of which seemed to glow with heat, as if it had just been pulled from the forge.

Now Akechi can feel Akira’s eyes on him. _“So this is the form of your old self.”_ He can practically hear the words that his leader hadn’t spoken aloud.

With a wave of the cognition’s hand, Loki springs to life, rising up from the sword and sending it spinning through the air, before taking hold of the hilt and thrusting the blade forward. But it wasn’t an attack. Suddenly, the four shadows were consumed by black fog. 

_“Wait, what the heck?! Those shadows’ power levels just went through the roof! Be careful everyone!”_ Futaba cried as the fog cleared. The shadows seemed to be covered in a black sheen, their eyes now glowing an unnatural red. 

Akechi takes a faltering step back. The last time he’d seen those eyes, he’d been fighting for his very life after losing control of his own power. _‘I need to run, I need to get out of here-!’_

A red-gloved hand grabs onto his wrist. 

“Skull, Fox, Queen! Handle the shadows to the left! Mona, Panther, Noir, take the right! Crow and I can handle this bastard ourselves!” Akira barks out orders, and the other phantom thieves nod affirmatively and jump into action right away.

_“Huuuu… You’re asking a lot of me here, Joker.”_ Futaba says into their ears. Despite her words, there’s a note of excitement in her voice. 

“Can you handle it, Oracle? We’re depending on you.” Akira responds, smiling as if he already knows the answer.

_“Well, if you put it that way, I guess I’ll have to go all out too!”_

Akechi still stands, petrified, as combat begins to rage all around him. Akira glances back at him, his eyes softening as he gives Akechi’s wrist a gentle squeeze. “C’mon, Goro. You’re not fighting alone anymore.”

_‘He’s right. Get over yourself.’_ Akechi’s internal monologue is nowhere near as gentle with him as Akira had been, but it gets the message across. He draws his saber from his belt and presses the power button. The blade shoots out blue sparks as it crackles to life in his hand.

“Let’s take this imposter down.” He smirks to mask his own anxiety, trying to ignore the way his heart is still pounding inside his chest. Akira nods, before putting his hand up to his own mask. 

“Come, Alice!”

“ _Eat this!”_

Just as Akira summons the small girl to his side, the cognition calls for Loki and the persona surges forward, golden blade in hand. 

“Robin, cover him!”

Tearing off his own mask, Akechi summons Robin Hood from the blue flame. It intercepts the charging Loki, blocking the red-hot blade with its golden bow. Immediately, Robin begins losing ground against Loki’s brute strength, but it buys enough time for Akira’s Debilitate spell to take hold of the cognition. They can hear it spit out a curse just as Robin Hood throws Loki back in the direction that it had come from. Akechi himself is quick to follow behind.

Dashing forward in Loki’s wake, Akechi is up close and personal with the cognition in mere seconds, and wastes no time before slashing away at it with his saber. He lands a few solid hits before the cognition retaliates, swinging wildly with its serrated blade. The swings are easy to predict, but more difficult to deflect thanks to the force behind them and the somewhat insubstantial nature of Akechi’s own blade. He can feel himself being pushed back, when Akira calls out from behind him.

“Crow, get back!”

Akechi leaps backward, out of range of the swing, just as Akira calls out again.

“King Frost!”

The air around them drops by several degrees as a tree of ice grows from the cognition’s feet and entraps him, before shattering, raining down chunks of ice.

“ _Rrgh…_ INCINERATE THEM, LOKI!” 

With a guttural screech from its master, Loki reappears in a burst of flame, melting the remaining ice from Bufudyne in an instant. It spins Laevateinn in the air, and the ground under their feet begins to glow with heat. With his quick reflexes, Akira dives out of the way just as the pillar of fire shoots up from beneath his feet. Akechi tries to dodge the attack as well, but the cognition’s reduced accuracy leaves the attack off its mark, and he inadvertently dives right into the flames. 

“Crow!” 

“I’m fine, Joker! Attack while there’s an opening!”

Akira calls out to him, but Akechi waves him off. As he coughs the remaining smoke out of his lungs, Akira runs forward. The cognition sees him coming and waves his arm, signaling Loki to fend Akira off. But at the last second, Akira drops to the ground, sliding underneath the incoming blade. For a moment, Akechi could swear Akira’s head would get sliced clean off his shoulders, but he’s clear just in time.

Summoning Robin Hood again, he fends off Loki, driving the persona away from Akira and its user until it vanishes. The cognitive Akechi is far too busy trying to ward off Joker’s knife attacks to concentrate on keeping Loki summoned. From afar, it almost looks like the black mask is trying to fight off a shadow. Joker twists and turns, dodging each of the attacks aimed at him by a hair’s breadth. Akechi runs forward to assist, and when Joker sees him coming, he retreats.

“I’m going to cast the debuffs again, keep him on the defensive!”

“Understood!”

Without missing a beat, Akechi finds himself in Joker’s place, chipping away at the cognition with his saber. He tries to deflect the new attacker, but Akira’s onslaught leaves him off balance. After only a moment, the debuffs swirl around the cognition, weakening him again. As he stumbles, Akechi swings his leg out, sweeping his feet out from under him, and he goes down like a sack of bricks. Before he can get back up, Akechi shoves him back down to the ground with one foot and points his saber to his throat.

“ _Why you-!”_

“For being so proud of your power, you seem to be on the losing end of this battle.” Akechi says cooly, pressing the tip of his saber against the cognition’s armored throat. There was resistance, but he knew that the beam of light could cut through easily if he wanted it to. Under the red visor, the cognition wears an expression that he hadn’t seen him wear before: fear.

“This isn’t even a fair fight!” The cognition panics, trying to wriggle out from under Akechi’s foot. “It’s two on one here!”

“Excluding the four powered up grunts you summoned earlier, sure.” He shrugs nonchalantly, putting more pressure on his saber, letting it cut through the black armor below it.

“ _Damn you…_ I CAN’T AFFORD TO LOSE HERE! _LOKI!”_

Not pinning down its arms turned out to be a mistake, as the cognition ripped off its mask. Akechi felt a new presence looming behind him, but before he could even turn and react, a new voice cut into the fray.

“Take this!”

A high-pitched voice, followed by a sound resembling a squeaky toy cut through the engine room as a huge, golden boxing glove appears out of thin air, slamming into Loki’s side and sending it flying. While he’s distracted, the cognition grabs Akechi’s ankle, throwing him backwards so it can scramble away.

“Crow, are you alright?”

“I’m fine! Thanks for the save, Mona!”

As Zorro fades into blue flames, Morgana’s group joins back up with Akira and Akechi, having taken care of their own shadows. A few moments later, Makoto’s group joins them as well. Reunited as a group, the phantom thieves face down the cognitive Akechi, now hunched over and eyeing them warily.

“You bastards don’t get it.” It hisses. “You don’t understand what’ll happen to me if I fail for a third time! I don’t have a future if I fuck this up!”

“It’s sickening…” Makoto sounds like she’s barely keeping her fury at bay. “This is what Shido projects onto Crow?”

“No need to be angry on my behalf, Queen.” Akechi says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Considering this is Shido we’re talking about, there’s always a way for him to stoop even lower.”

“ _But-!”_ She begins to protest, but the small smile he gives her is enough to get her to hold her tongue.

“You should surrender.” Akira calls out to him. “You’re outnumbered, there’s no way you can win.”

“Heh… _heheheheheh…”_ The cognition laughs, straightening up and putting a hand to his visor, as if Akira had just told the funniest joke he’d heard in a long time. “You really _don’t_ get it. Retreat was never an option! I don’t want to disappear, so _you’ll just have to take my place!_ ”

Once more, Loki appeared in a surge of blue flame. With a twirl of Laevateinn, it cast a spell, which enveloped its own master in a coat of black and red.

_“He’s driven himself psychotic! This is our best chance to beat him, but he’s gonna hit a lot harder!”_ Futaba says.

“Understood. Queen, Noir. Stay on the front lines. Everyone else is on backup.” Joker is once again quick to reorganize. “Crow. We’ll get up close and personal?”

“Of course, Joker. On the condition that I get to land the last hit.”

Akira smirks. “That can be arranged.”

_“If you’re all ready, then here come the buffs!”_

Prometheus’ magic joins the adrenaline coursing through his veins, as he leaps out of the magic circle. Pulling out his pistol, he fires a few shots ahead of him just as Alice’s Debilitate closes around the 

cognition for a third time. 

“ _DAMN YOU ALL!”_

From right behind him, Akechi feels an eruption of pure energy, but he doesn’t look back. He flies at the cognition of himself, swinging just as wildly as it had when fighting against him earlier. Makoto and Haru cry out from behind him, having been caught up in the Megidolaon blast, but he can’t focus on that. The cognition is meeting him blow for blow, sparks both orange and blue fly through the air as their blades collide.

Just as Akira had been earlier, Akechi is now locked in a delicate dance of a battle. One slip-up and that serrated blade would tear into him as if he was made of paper. Yet, he isn’t scared anymore. Even as the psychotic cognition’s attacks grow fiercer, he just matches them in return. He isn’t the novice that he had been back then, back when his own rampaging power had nearly brought about his demise. 

But this… _this_ battle is exhilarating. He can hardly hear anything aside from the crackling collision of blades and the blood pumping in his ears. The air around them buzzes with the nuclear energy of Makoto’s attacks, keeping Loki at bay. The grin on his face continues to grow wider and wider.

“You’re not so different from me, after all, aren’t you.” 

With that affirmation, the spell is broken. Akechi freezes for a split second, but it’s long enough for the serrated sword to make a ragged slice across his torso. Stunned, Akechi stumbles backward, falling to the ground. 

“CROW!”

“See? You’re not as much of an enigma as you think you are! The ways of pathetic trash like you are easy to- _fuck!”_

As Akechi lays prone, Akira fires his pistol at the cognition, and manages to hit it on the wrist. It drops its blade with a hissed curse, and goes for its own gun. But before it can get there, Akechi forces himself up off the ground and plunges his saber straight into its heart.

“ _You know_ nothing _about me.”_ He growls. _“All you’ve proven is how painfully out of touch with reality Shido is. And for that, I thank you. For killing any last regrets I might have had.”_

“You’ll never…” It coughs, as if its lungs were truly filling with blood, “defeat Captain Shido. Not with the pathetic power you have now. _Someone who relies on a team… doesn’t stand a… chance.”_

The cognition dissolves into smoke before Akechi can even pull his blade out of its chest. All at once, he starts to feel woozy. Now that the adrenaline rush is ebbing, he collapses right where he had initially fallen. Through his half-lidded eyes, he sees Akira and Morgana looming over him. There’s a muddled babble, as if everyone is talking at once, but Akechi can’t hear them over the sound of his own thoughts.

_‘It said we were the same.’_

_‘I was_ enjoying _that.’_

_‘Nothing has changed.’_

_‘No wonder I still can’t shake that damn thing.’_

_‘This was a mistake. I’ve made a mistake.’_

_‘Now I have to explain everything.’_

_‘They’re all going to hate me.’_

There’s a sudden warming sensation over his torso, as if someone had thrown a heated blanket over him. It must be healing magic. He feels the gash on his torso close, the healing process accelerated. Forcing his negative thoughts to the backburner for the moment, he opens his eyes to see his teammates standing over him.

“Thank goodness you’re alright!” Haru greets him back into the waking world.

“I was careless… my apologies.” 

“This isn’t your fault, I should have healed you after you got hit with that Agidyne earlier.” Akira tries to take the blame, offering a hand to help Akechi up.

“Joker, there is no need to take responsibility for me.” He insists again as he takes Akira’s hand and lets himself be pulled to his feet.

As soon as it becomes apparent that he was alright, an awkward silence settles over the group. There’s still a question that needed to be addressed, but no one seems willing to acknowledge it first. Then there’s a green glow, as Futaba descends from the depths of Prometheus, her goggles reappearing on her face as soon as her boots touch the engine room floor.

Never one to leave questions unanswered, Futaba shoves her way between Ryuji and Yusuke and gets straight to the heart of the issue.

"So... what was up with that thing? That wasn't your persona, Crow..."

The other Phantom Thieves look at him expectantly. Akechi looks at Akira, as if he could somehow telepathically ask what the hell he was supposed to say. But he can't read Akira's expression under his domino mask. His mouth is a thin line.

" _No, it... it_ was _."_ His words escape as a whisper.

"What? But- But Joker's the only one who can have multiple personas!" Ann gasps.

"Wait, so that thing was a legit mimic of your persona?!" Futaba asks at the same time.

Akechi stares down at his feet. White shoes, singed from the fake Loki's fire. He concentrates, watching as the black of the soot stains spread across the white leather, covering the shoe and grabbing on to the leg of his pants. The blackness spreads across his clothes until it covers him from head to toe, until his vision changes color as well. The world itself turns red.

The other Phantom Thieves stare in shock, as he reaches up to take hold of the black mask on his face.

" _Come... Loki."_

He doesn't so much as tear the mask from his face, as it dissolves into blue flame in his fingers. From those flames rises Loki itself.

" _Dude... No freakin' way..."_ He hears Ryuji say.

Just like before, Loki perches nonchalantly on the hilt of Laevateinn. Despite not appearing to have any eyes, the phantom thieves got the sense that it was examining them one by one. Somehow, it seems unimpressed.

"I have two personas: Robin Hood and Loki." Akechi announces, and it takes every fiber of his willpower to stop his voice from shaking.

"...You've been like this the whole time, haven't you." Morgana's question sounds more like a statement.

"Yes, I'm... I'm sorry for keeping it from you, Mona. Even back when it was just the two of us..."

Then the engine room falls quiet as Loki disappears back into the blue flames, aside from the hissing and clanking of the engines themselves. Hundreds of unasked questions float among them, but no one wants to take initiative to ask the first one. Akechi can feel them clustering around him. Piling on; a cloak of expectations growing heavier and heavier around his shoulders.

Then, a hand brushes his arm. He tears his gaze away from the floor to see Akira standing at his side, through lenses of red.

"Goro. You should just tell them." Akira says. Going straight to the heart of the issue, like always. It’s a quality that Akechi has always loved about him, but right now it terrifies him.

Theoretically, it should be fine. The band-aid has already been ripped off. He can’t hide anymore. But still, he wishes that he could.

" _Fine... I'll explain."_ He whispers, only loud enough for Akira to hear. He isn’t ready.

"Let's go to a safe room first. We don't know when more enemies could show up." Akira can tell he isn't ready. "C'mon, everyone."

Taking Akechi's hand in his, Akira leads the way out of the engine room.

The walk is far too short for a proper mental preparation. Akechi's last tether is Akira's hand, which feels much warmer than his own. It’s another quality about the other boy that he loves, but one he feels embarrassed about acknowledging.

In the safe room, the Phantom Thieves pile in around the ornate wooden table. Akira had let go of his hand, but sits close enough so that their shoulders can almost touch. He isn't completely untethered yet.

"Loki was my first persona." Akechi begins, taking off his black mask and setting it on the table before them. The stupid lower "bill" of his collar still appears at the bottom of his vision. He hates this stupid outfit almost as much as the persona that came with it. "I awakened to it before I ever met Shido in person.

"I was still in foster care, and I was going through a rough time. I never got along well with my final foster mother, but our relationship was especially strained in the months before I left. Sometime during then I received Loki's power... the power to induce a psychotic breakdown."

"You're saying that it really has this power?" Makoto asks. 

Akechi nods. "Yes, but I wouldn't learn what that actually meant until a later point. I didn't know what the Metaverse was at the time. It actually happened in a dream, some voice spoke in my head, telling me that I could obtain the power to get back at those who had hurt me. Like my foster mother... and Shido.

“At the time... it's actually become somewhat foggy, but at the time, I was hesitant. I didn't _want_ the power to turn people psychotic. I... I didn't want to bring actual harm to people…"

_'You're lying to them.'_ That last statement is a lie, and he knows it. But surely he’s on thin ice with everyone already. What would they take him for if he admits that he'd wanted to tear apart anyone in his way back then? He can't possibly admit how low he had sunk.

"I didn't want to harm anyone, but something made me agree to it anyway. It's... difficult to explain. It wasn't Loki, it was something else."

Some of the others look skeptical. He can't exactly blame them, but their expressions still chill him to his core.

"It was my out, basically. I figured that if I had some kind of supernatural power, I could win myself Shido's favor, so I left home and offered him my power. Obviously, he was enthusiastic about having someone like me on his side, since he had heard about the potential existence of a cognitive world before. So I started to work for him, but then... something went wrong..."

" _Oh?"_ He hears Haru say under her breath. Based on the look on her face, she doesn’t seem to realize she’d even spoken aloud.

"I was doing some investigating on my own. It was in here, actually. I found out that Shido had a palace and was snooping around, trying to find a way to bring about his downfall, but I was ambushed by shadows. When I tried to defend myself... I lost control."

"What do you mean?" Makoto asks.

"I summoned Loki, but instead of attacking like I wanted it to, it turned all of the shadows psychotic instead. But they were still after _me_..."

" _Don't tell me..."_ Now Mona murmurs under his breath.

"Those shadows almost killed me, but then I awakened to Robin Hood. He saved my life. Loki... isn't my true persona. I don't have control over it."

Akechi finishes his tale to silence. Under their feet, the Arc of the Elite rumbles as it propels them through the cognitive sea. But Akechi feels lost. As if he’s clinging to a raft that’s mere seconds away from sinking.

"Two personas... but one refuses to obey its user..." Yusuke is the one to finally break the silence.

"Waitwaitwait, so you're sayin' you awakened to a persona in a dream?!"

"You make it sound like some kind of entity forced it upon you."

"So how exactly do you change between them? Why do you have different outfits? Joker's only got one."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

All at once, questions bombard him, his teammates finally having the courage to actually say them. But it all feels like too much. Akechi wants to shrink away and vanish from their sights.

"Did you pick the codename Crow because of _this_ outfit?"

Morgana’s question silences all of the other ones just as quickly as they had begun. Akechi looks up from his lap at his feline teammate, who stands on the table right across from him, paws on his hips.

“ _Ahaha..._ Yes, I... I suppose that _was_ a bit of self-deprecation on my part." That’s much easier to say than just admitting he didn't have any other ideas at the time.

"I see..."

"So, that's the long and short of it. I kept Loki hidden because it was easier than explaining why I didn't have any control over it." He finishes, looking down at his clawed gloves. What a stupid, edgy outfit…

“Joker, you knew about this, didn’t you.” Makoto suddenly turns to Akira, whose expression still hadn’t changed. He nods.

“Yeah. Crow told me about it the morning after it happened.”

“But then why didn’t you say-!” Ryuji butts in, before Akira cuts him off.

“Because it wasn’t my secret to tell, Skull. If Crow made no move to tell you all about Loki, then I wasn’t going to go behind his back.” Akira spits. He hadn’t raised his voice, but his tone still makes everyone flinch. “If I did that, then what kind of friend would that make me?”

“R-Right…”

There’s a lull in the conversation until Akechi speaks up again.

“Loki was my ticket out of a bad situation, so I won’t pretend that it hasn’t done some good for me. But the fact that it still exists means that I can’t guarantee to you all that I’m actually a decent person… So if you wish for me to leave the team, I would go without a fuss.” 

“I had failed to realize how foolish you really are.” Yusuke, of all people, is the one to fire back at that.

“What…?”

“Honestly, Fox is kinda right.” Ann chimes in. “You’ve been a Phantom Thief for what, ages now? And you’ve been helping us out for even longer than that!”

“Yeah man, if we wanted to ditch you at this point, that would pretty much make _us_ the assholes here.” Ryuji agrees. All around the table, everyone else nods.

“I believe that we all have sides of ourselves that we find distasteful, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot be good people.” Haru adds. Through the chorus of inner thoughts screaming that she was wrong and didn’t understand, Akechi forced himself to smile.

“You have a point. Thank you, Noir. And thank you, everyone.” He does a slight bow in his seat. As he does, the black mask’s armor disappears in a whirl of blue flame, leaving his usual princely garb in its place. It’s always been easier for him to maintain this outfit ever since awakening to Robin Hood. The black mask, on the other hand, takes more focus for him to maintain, likely due to his disconnect with Loki. Their long expedition into the palace, along with that final battle, had worn him down to the point where he couldn’t maintain it any longer.

Of course, the others have no way of knowing that. So as soon as the obtrusive costume disappears from their midst, they take it as a sign that everything is alright. The tension evaporates from the room and the usual chatter of the group starts up again. With the meeting basically adjourned, Akechi gets up from the table and goes over to the couch off to the side of the room, letting himself sink into the plush velvet cushion. He smiles along with the others, chimes in on conversations when he can. They don’t need to know that their reassurances had just gone in one of his ears and out the other.

Before they leave the safe room, Akira tells him to stay on the backup team, that the boss fight must’ve taken a lot out of him. If it didn’t feel like his mind was spinning out of control, he might’ve argued, but instead he just nods. Other than a few brief run-ins with enemies that the team was more than strong enough to handle, they reach the door in the main hall. 

The lion-shaped readers accept the cards easily, opening the doors to the legislative hall. One final elevator ride down, and they find themselves down in the legislator’s chambers. Or rather, Shido’s bastardized version of it. A massive curtain, patterned like a daruma with one eye unpainted hangs across the back wall. And there, floating above the central podium, still a hazy ball of light, is Shido’s treasure.

The infiltration route is secure.

As the others discuss plans to send the calling card, Akechi watches the dancing light. He can’t help but wonder what possibly could have corrupted Shido so badly. What item would appear as a justification for why he’d had to suffer for his entire life. Him, his mother, Akira, Futaba, Wakaba Isshiki, Haru, Kunikazu Okumura, the hundreds of other people that had suffered or died because of Shido’s ambitions, what would they receive as compensation?

Nothing could possibly repair that much damage.

“Earth to Crow! We’re heading out!”

Morgana’s voice pulls him back to reality. Everyone else had already piled into the elevator, where they stand waiting for him expectantly. Akira’s red-gloved hand holds the door open.

“Oh! My apologies, everyone.”

Quickly, he boards the elevator, and the doors close behind him.

**\---**

Akechi’s pencil taps rhythmically against paper. Some small part of him is wishing that if he taps for long enough, the numbers on the page will start marching along to the beat and form the correct answers without any work on his part. It isn’t that he’s bad at math, per se, it’s just boring to him. Every math problem has a defined solution. It’s his job to go find it. But instead, his mind has decided to focus on looking for solutions for other problems. Ones where the solutions aren’t so clearly defined.

_‘I’ve wasted my time. All my hard work was for nothing. I’m still the same as I used to be.’_

Destructive thoughts like those have been pacing through his mind all evening, and he just can’t shake them. The longer they persist, the more he wants to crumple up the paper in front of him and throw it across the room. And scream. Maybe cry too. 

But that would be uncouth.

And Yusuke would also think he’d finally popped his last screw loose.

For the upteenth time that evening, he glances over at his roommate. Yusuke is facing away from him, working on a painting on the other side of the room. Akechi sets his homework aside and picks up his phone, opening his chat log with Akira, restarting his internal debate of whether to text him or not. Admittedly, part of him has been hoping that Akira would text him first. But that’s stupid of him to want. He’d said that he was fine back at the palace. Even if his acting had been as plastic as it had felt while he was doing it, it would be a wild assumption on _anyone’s_ part to assume that he’d been lying.

It’s a wild hope on _his_ part for someone to call him out on it.

His thumbs hover over the keyboard. It would be so easy to type _anything._ He could just say “Hi”. He could just send an emoji. Literally any emoji. Then Akira would _know_ something’s wrong. 

Instead of doing any of that, Akechi slams his phone down on his futon with much more force than necessary.

“ _Unreasonable piece of shit.”_ He grumbles under his breath. Flopping down onto his futon, he pulls his knees up to his chin. Since when had he become this bad at keeping it together? He can’t decide which he wanted more; to just _talk to someone_ or to burst into tears. 

Then, out of the blue, his phone buzzes. With more speed than he’d like to admit, he grabs it and reads the notification.

It’s just the Phantom Thieves’ group chat. Of course it is.

Letting out a harrowed sigh, he opens the message.

**FS:** _so i think i figured out what the deal was with that akechi cognition we fought_

**AT:** _Really??_

**FS:** _yeah, so. you know how we fought those other guys for the letters of introduction? and how they were basically just shadows wearing human skin?_

**FS:** _im pretty sure that last guy was the same way._

**RS:** _How though? That guy had a persona_

**FS:** _yeah, and? personas_ are _shadows_

**RS:** _oh right_

**FS:** _anyway yeah, that was still a shadow, but it probably looked like it was being summoned like a persona because it was part of shidos cognition that akechi had a persona_

**MN:** _That actually makes sense._

**AT:** _I’m… not quite sure I get it._

**RS:** _Two types of people_

**AT:** _Can it, Ryuji! I’m sure you don’t get it either!_

**RS:** _Yeah, but I coulda pretended!_

**MN:** _To get back on topic… Futaba, there’s something else I’m curious about._

**FS:** _ask away!_

**MN:** _Was that shadow actually Loki? Because as far as I’ve seen, we can’t encounter our own personas as enemies._

**FS:** _hmmm… an excellent question from our advisor!_

**FS:** _as far as i can tell they werent the same. the readings i got from the cognition and from akechi himself were totally different. the readings of the cognition were actually more similar to the cleaner guy than to the real akechi. couldnt tell you why tho_

**AK:** _Morgana wants to add something._

**AK:** _He’s saying that the shadow might have been something other than Loki. The Sea of Human Souls, where all shadows come from, might’ve just filled in the blanks in Shido’s cognition and made some random shadow look like Loki._

**FS:** _huh. pretty wild_

**MN:** _I suppose that makes some sense. Something like this is unprecedented, after all, it’s not like we have any points of comparison._

There are still people typing responses, but Akechi closes the messenger app without making any comments himself. They’re just theorizing, that’s all. They don’t mean any harm to him personally. What they’d encountered that night was definitely unprecedented, as Makoto put it. But despite that flawless logic, the tightness in his chest persists.

He tries his best to ignore it and busies himself getting ready for bed instead. The unfinished homework gets filed away. With his grades, his teachers could deal with one night of missed assignments. Going around his side of the room, he tidies things that don’t really need to be tidied. 

Pulling the old, oversized Featherman shirt he sleeps in out of his closet, Akechi considers whether or not to take a shower. His brain is quick to calculate just how long he’d be left with his thoughts if he decides to go through with it and quickly spit out the result: “Too long.”

“I’m changing,” he announces as a courtesy before unbuttoning his shirt and changing into the t-shirt. Behind him, Yusuke hums an acknowledgement. It’s just then that Akechi realizes that the sound of paintbrush on canvas had ceased long ago. After taking off his pants and tossing them away into the corner, he glances over his shoulder and sees Yusuke tapping away on his phone. 

“Are you planning to stay up for a while?” He asks. 

“Perhaps. I wished to make more progress with this piece, but inspiration evades me tonight.” Yusuke replies, pocketing his phone. 

“Alright, well I’m turning in now. Goodnight, Yusuke.” Akechi lays down in his futon and pulls the comforter up to his chin. Belatedly, he realizes that he would have liked to brush his teeth, but he’d already committed to not walking to the bathroom. It’s just another small discomfort to be tossed onto the heap. He could handle it.

“Akechi…” Instead of saying goodnight, Yusuke sounds like he has questions. 

“What is it?” He doesn’t turn around. Yusuke hadn’t said much to him since the safe room, where he’d defended him from Ryuji’s scrutiny. With all the theorizing going on in the group chat, he wouldn’t be surprised if Yusuke had just decided to ask the source of the issue. If that turned out to be the case, it would be easy to just excuse himself by saying he’s tired, it wouldn’t be a big deal at-

“Are you feeling alright?”

Akechi’s train of thought stops dead in its tracks. Here it is. The question he’s been wishing _someone_ would ask him all night. The concern that he’d been so selfishly wishing for has fallen right into his lap.

Yet, the first thing that comes to mind as a reply is, “ _I’m fine.”_

It’s on the tip of his tongue. He could just say “I’m fine”, close his eyes, and surrender himself to his own mind for the rest of the night. But he’d _wanted_ this.

As Akechi’s thoughts play tug of war, Yusuke speaks again.

“You’ve repeatedly looked over at me as if you have something to say. Not to mention your cursing over nothing.” So the cat’s been out of the bag from the start. With a sigh, Akechi rolls over to face Yusuke instead of the wall.

“I’m a bit at odds with myself right now, I’ll admit.” He says, because just saying the words “no, I’m not okay” is too tall an order for him to handle.

“If you need a sounding board, I’m willing to listen.”

“Are you sure? I’d hate to trouble you.”

“If your restless energy is what is disrupting my creative process, then it’s fair to say you’ve already troubled me.” Yusuke isn’t trying to be mean, he almost never is, but that comment still makes Akechi want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

“I’m sorry, if that’s really the case… As for the issue…” For a moment, he hesitates. But he’s already accepted Yusuke’s time, he can’t exactly go back now. “I’m concerned… that I haven’t actually become a better person.”

Yusuke’s eyes narrow. “Are you referring to your other persona?” 

“Yes… If I still harbor it, then that means I must not have changed, right?”

“I cannot speak on that front, as I possess no second persona myself. But if you’re so concerned about being a good person… In my experience, you have shown me nothing but kindness and patience, especially in letting me share your living space.” Yusuke says, and a smile tugs at Akechi’s lips.

“I mean, what was I supposed to do? Pretend the other guys in this dorm _aren’t_ complete slobs?”

“It’s simply a travesty.” He shakes his head, bangs falling over his eye. “But regardless, you’ve shown the rest of our friends the same patience and kindness.”

“I guess that’s true… But something tells me that’s just me pretending to be someone I’m not. What if, at my core, I’m just an awful person pretending to be good.” 

“Do you really believe that to be true?” Yusuke asks, brushing his bangs out of his face.

“I… I don’t know. Really and truly. I just don’t know.” Akechi wraps his arms around his pillow and squeezes it as tightly as he can. The tightness in his chest is back. More than anything, he just feels frustrated. Frustrated that he doesn’t know himself.

“Well, I have no hope of telling you what is true. I’m not any kind of therapist, after all.” Yusuke reaches over and grabs a sketchbook off the floor, flipping open to a blank page. For a while now, Akechi has suspected that sketching actually keeps Yusuke more focused than when he’s just sitting and listening to someone, but he’s never bothered to ask if that’s true.

“Obviously…” Akechi mumbles into his pillow.

“Though, if I may offer an observation.” Yusuke says as he begins to sketch on the page. “I’ve noticed that something about you feels incongruous with the rest of you. Whether it is your appearance or your manner or something else entirely, something doesn’t fit. And after tonight, well…” Yusuke briefly looks up from the page to look Akechi up and down. “The divide has grown clearer.”

“I’m not sure I follow.” Akechi responds, rolling back onto his side.

“I’m afraid I cannot explain it all that well, it’s merely intuition.” He says, “But if you feel out of touch with yourself, perhaps you could start with finding all of your pieces.”

“You say that like it’s easy.”

“I’m well aware that it isn’t. But I can’t possibly tell you where else to start.”

“I know. And it’s not your job to do so.”

They both fall quiet after that. Yusuke’s pencil scratching against paper is the only sound left in the room. Even the thumping down the hall from the other boys on their floor seems distant. The serenity of it is enough to make Akechi feel drowsy.

“Akechi?”

“What is it, Yusuke?”

A pause.

“We’re all on your side. You may have known Akira longer than the rest of us, but we all consider you a valued teammate and friend. Please do not forget that.”

“I’ll try my best not to.”

“Thank you… Goodnight, Akechi.”

With his goodnight returned, Akechi turns back to the wall and closes his eyes.

**\---**

Akechi rises with the sun the next day. Sleep had evaded him for most of the previous night. The thoughts swirling around in his brain had refused to let up. Each time he'd rolled over and checked the time on his phone, he'd become more and more sure that the night was just going to last forever.

Deeming 6:30 an acceptable time to be awake, he finally sits up, taking his phone off of its charger. At least the sleepless night had given him plenty of time to decide what he wanted to do and then summon up the guts to actually go through with it.

**GA:** Hey, Akira, can I come to Leblanc today?

**GA:** I want your thoughts on something.

He lets his phone sit while he gets ready for the day. Trying his best not to wake Yusuke, Akechi fumbles around in the darkness of the room, finding some clothes on his side of the closet. After getting dressed as well as he can in the dark, he slips out of the room and heads down the hall to the bathroom. Upon arriving, he looks into the mirror, only to be greeted with his own sleep deprived face. It’s familiar, but no less hideous to behold in the early hours of the morning.

" _Forget inner conflict, Akira's just gonna get mad at me for not sleeping again."_ Akechi mutters, rubbing some of the sleep out of his eyes. He tries to smile. He'd read in some article or another that smiling helped the brain to produce more happiness-inducing chemicals. All this seems to do was make him look even more pathetic than before.

After freshening up, he heads back to his room and the darkness envelops him once again. When his eyes adjust, he sees a faint glow coming from his futon. He creeps back over, hoping he doesn't step in any poorly placed oil paints, and picks up his phone, squinting against the glare.

**AK:** Sure thing, I'm totally free today.

**AK:** Wanna come over now? I can let you in if you get here before Sojiro.

**GA:** I'd really appreciate that. I'm on my way.

By the dim light of his phone's screen, he scribbles a quick note for Yusuke and leaves it on the counter, just to say where he'd gone. Then he slips out of their room.

The Kosei dorms at 7:00 in the morning on a Sunday feel like an alternate dimension compared to normal. The sound of Akechi’s shoes clicking against the hard floor feel like the loudest sound in the building. The only other boy he passes is stumbling along in a half-asleep daze, definitely in desperate need of some coffee.

The subways, however, are a different story. Salarymen on their way to another long day of work already fill the stations. The bodies packing around Akechi at the station are dense enough to dispel much of the early December chill from the air. But once they file onto the train, its interior blasting heat, that proximity becomes almost unbearable.

Fortunately, there are less people on the second line to Yongen-Jaya. Akechi is even able to grab a seat, but he finds himself nodding off. The warmth and steady rumbling of the train around him entice his overactive mind to rest for once, at the worst possible time. Fortunately, the announcement for Yongen-Jaya station is loud enough to jolt him awake, and he gets off the train in a flustered hurry.

Yongen-Jaya awakens sooner than the Kosei dorms, it seems. Already, shops are opening for business, and Akechi nods and smiles to multiple early morning walkers. He approaches Leblanc, but the sign on the door is still flipped to "Closed". Pulling out his phone, he starts typing a message to Akira, but then he hears a tapping sound from the shop door.

Akira grins at him, nose pressed against the glass, and then taps on the window again. Despite himself, Akechi finds himself laughing at how silly he looks. Seeing him laugh, Akira's smile widens and he opens the door.

"Morning, Goro! C'mon in!"

"Thanks for letting me come so early." Akechi replies, stepping into the shop and breathing in the warm, coffee-scented air that washes over him.

"Don't sweat it. Could I get you some coffee?" Akira asks, closing the door. Only then, did Akechi realize Akira was still in his pajamas.

"Oh, God... I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Huh? No, I was awake already. Just hadn't gotten dressed yet." Akira shuffles over to the far end of the counter and grabs a green apron off one of the hooks. "Besides, even if you had, I'd have still said you could come over."

"I'm guessing there's no changing your mind on that...?" Taking off his jacket, Akechi slides onto one of the bar stools.

"Nope!" Akira replies cheerfully, tying his apron as he walks behind the counter. "So, what can I get you."

"The house blend, please."

"Coming right up!"

Ever since he'd first seen Akira at work behind the counter, Akechi has grown fond of watching him. Back in May, Akira had been as clumsy as any beginner barista, but he'd still looked natural standing behind the counter. Now his process is much more smooth; he seems to have the locations of all the beans memorized, and his movements almost seem like a dance.

"You've gotten good at this, Akira." He says without thinking.

"You think so?" Akira responds.

"Yeah. I haven't seen you spill any coffee beans in ages."

"That was _one time._ " Despite his level tone, Akira's face turns bright red. Akechi laughs.

"But still, it's been ages."

"Yeah, yeah. Here's your coffee." Akira sets the cup down on the counter in front of him, and Akechi picks it up to take a sip. Instantly, the caffeine surges through his system, waking him up.

"Thank you... It's delicious, as always." He says, letting the cup warm his gloved hands.

"You're welcome! So... is this about what happened yesterday?"

Akechi looks up from his coffee cup. Akira's stare is concerned, to say the least. Immediately, he has to look away again.

"Yes... I just... I wish it had never happened." He admits.

"Why not?"

"Well, because... It's like admitting to being a psychopath! I have a power that _kills people!_ It's a power that came from _me_ , and it hasn't gone _away..."_ Akechi sighs, pulling on one of his gloves. "I admitted that I was inches away from being a serial killer."

"But you didn't become a serial killer." Akira leans across the counter, forcing Akechi to meet his eyes.

"Think of it like this. Two years ago, you told me what happened. You told me about your dream, you told me about Shido, and you told me about Loki and Robin Hood. Did I take that to mean you were almost a serial killer?" He asks.

"Maybe...?"

"Am I still your friend, Goro?"

"...Yes?"

"Your hesitation wounds me, but that's not the point. _Yes,_ I'm still your friend. I wouldn't still be your friend if I took you to be a serial killer." Akira stands up straight, crossing his arms. "Am I wrong?"

"I don't know, Akira. I really don't know..." Akechi sighs. "I don't even feel like Loki should be a part of me at all anymore! I didn't go through with anything it encouraged me to do! So why won't it just disappear?!"

"But who's to say it isn't?"

"You- What do you mean?"

"I know it's unfair for me to compare the Wild Card to your power, _but,_ I have hundreds of personas, and I can identify with all of them. Even in minute ways. Arsene is the closest to being _me_ , but the others are all parts of me too." Akira explains. "So... why wouldn't Loki still be a part of you, even after you've grown as a person?"

"So you're suggesting that there's a part of me that still identifies with that... _thing?"_ Akechi's lip curls as he spits out the final word.

"Well, yeah. Basically."

"What kind of person would that make me if that was true, Akira?! If that's the truth, then all these years I've dedicated to being better have been for _nothing!"_ Akechi starts to laugh, a shrill, unpleasant sound.

"I don't think that's the case-" Akira begins, but Akechi cuts him off.

"No, that _would_ be the case." He snaps. "It would mean I'm no better than that child who wished his foster mother dead over a difference of opinion. The _idiotic_ child who seriously thought he could kill Masayoshi _fucking_ Shido on his own with a _half-baked persona._

"It would mean that I'm still wasting my life for an unachievable goal. It would mean that I value myself above everyone else. It would mean that-" Akechi's voice started to crack- "I'm still a _worthless piece of shit that no one ever wanted, who's just starved for attention."_

Before, the quiet inside the cafe had been a comfort, but now it deafens him. Akira is still watching him intently, but Akechi can't read the expression on his face.

" _That's still true... isn't it... I've... I've wasted everything. I'm_ still _wasting everything. Who do I think I'm kidding..."_ He whispers.

"It seems like you've been kidding yourself, Goro."

" _I've been kidding... myself..."_ Tears begin to trail down his cheeks. "That's... that's what Yusuke must've meant... when he said that something's missing..."

"What's missing?" Akira asks.

"The truth. The truth that I'm supposed to tell myself."

"Want to tell it to me, then?" Akira rests his elbows on the counter. "If you can't tell yourself, you can tell me."

“ _Tell it to-”_ The suggestion is so comical by nature that Akechi almost laughs in his face, but instead he just sighs again.

"You know what? You think I should be honest? _Fine._ I still want Shido dead. I wish I could tear his head from his shoulders myself. I want him to repent with his life for what he did to my mother and for what he did to me. I'm not virtuous. Everything I've done has been for the sake of making Shido pay, even if I forced myself to pretend that I was trying to protect people. It was all for my own sake.

"It’s all been for my own sake, but it's all a waste. Because I still hate myself more than I could ever hate Shido. Isn't that funny...? Wasting all this time and energy on hateful people like me and him? It's... _it's so fucking funny..."_

Laughter bubbles from Akechi's lips. He laughs, and laughs, and laughs. The laughter blends together with his sobs until they become indistinguishable from the other. Akira doesn't say a word, he just stands behind the counter and waits.

Sobs become hiccups, and those become sniffles, until Akechi finally manages to compose himself again.

"Can I ask you something else?" Akira says.

" _Fine…”_

"Is that the entire truth?"

Akechi blinks.

"Of course it is. You asked me to tell you the truth, and I told you the truth."

"Hm... Well, then I want you to tell me what you think of this."

Akira takes out his phone and starts tapping away. For a while, Akechi watches him scroll, watches his brow furrow more and more, until he finds what he's looking for.

"I'm gonna read you something, tell me what you think."

Akira clears his throat.

" _Dear Akira,_

“ _I think I've finally found some way that I can throw a wrench into Shido's plans. I went to a place called Mementos today, and I learned that it's possible to change people's hearts even if they don't have palaces. It's possible that I could use it to whittle down Shido's coterie. After all, the fewer confidants he has, the less damage he can cause._

“ _I know there isn't much I can do on my own, but after seeing that accident on the news... I'm positive that he's responsible. The idea of more people getting hurt like that because of him makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to sit by and do nothing when I have the power to do_ something. _I'm sick of being powerless, so I'm going to stop acting like I am._

"Then you go on to talk about your foster mother and about Morgana, but that's not part of the point I'm trying to make. Are you trying to tell me that you were lying when you wrote this?" Akira waves his phone in front of Akechi's face, blurring the text in front of his eyes.

"At the time... No... _I wasn't."_ He admits.

"What about now?"

" _The idea of him becoming the Prime Minister of this country terrifies me. Because I know first-hand that he'll sacrifice anything and any_ one _to get what he wants..."_ Akechi murmurs. " _I don't want to let everyone suffer at his mercy."_

_"_ Exactly." Smirking as if he'd made the point himself, Akira pockets his phone again.

"But then... what's correct? Who... who am I...?!" He leans forward across the counter just as Akira leans away, pretending to think.

"Hmmm... Well, you're Goro Akechi, a third year student at Kosei High School. You're a persona user and Phantom Thief (codename “Crow”) with two personas, Robin Hood and Loki. You’re my best friend and a person I can’t imagine my life without. I’m dropping ideas here, is anything ringing a bell?” Akira starts listing traits, tone drier than Akechi had ever heard before.

“All right, all right! Geez! I’m me! Is that what you wanted to hear?! Both Robin and Loki. They’re both parts of me and that’s just how things are!” Akechi snaps, slamming his palm on the counter. 

“And that doesn’t make you a bad person?” Akira prompts.

“No! No it doesn’t! I’ve worked hard to do what I think is right and all I can hope is that the idiot kid that I used to be can be _proud-”_

A sudden throbbing in his head derails his train of thought. Akechi’s gaze drops to the countertop. Akira is calling his name, but he already sounds so far away. 

“ _Are you ready to accept your past self?”_

A voice that sounds too much like his own murmurs into his ear. When he opens his eyes, Loki floats before him in the abyss of his mind.

“I want to move forward. And if accepting my past mistakes is what I need to do to make that happen… _I’ll do it._ ”

Loki seems to nod.

_“Your honorable virtue and vengeful fury shall walk together hand in hand henceforth.”_

“Yes… come to me, Loki!”

He reaches out his hand toward his other self, and Loki reaches back, but just before they touch, the voice murmurs again.

_“When you return to the distorted sea of souls, we shall meet again.”_

Then Loki disappears in a flash of blue fire. Akechi blinks, expecting to see Leblanc and Akira again, but instead, standing in Loki’s place is someone he’d never expected to see.

It was himself. Or rather, the way he looked two years ago. At the time when he’d been spiraling out of control. When the younger boy spots Akechi, he shrinks in on himself.

_“I’ve made a mess of things, haven’t I?”_ He asks, ashamed.

“Things have always been a mess. I don’t blame you for it.” Akechi replies, and his younger self’s posture relaxes.

_“Okay. I’m… I’m glad. I’m also glad that you’re still here.”_

Akechi opens his mouth to ask what that means, but before he can, memories of that time flood to the surface of his mind. The turbulent emotions; bitterness, rage, despair, terror, they all claw at his heart. It’s difficult to breathe, even more so than the previous night, before his floodgates had broken. How many times had he thought about giving up? About taking the easy way out? About falling asleep and never opening his eyes again?

He can’t bring himself to say anything at all. Instead, he closes the gap between them and pulls the younger boy into a suffocating hug. For a moment, the younger Akechi tenses up, unfamiliar with physical contact like this. But before long, he melts into the embrace, hugging his older self back just as tightly.

“ _Thanks for finally seeing me again.”_ The boy’s voice is muffled by Akechi’s shirt. _“It feels like no one ever does anymore.”_

“I’m sorry it took so long.”

Soon, his younger self loosens his grip, and Akechi lets him go. The two quickly separate, as if they were simultaneously worrying that they’d overstepped some kind of boundary.

_“Just tell me one more thing… Does it get better?”_ The boy asks, his eyes averted. _“Please don’t lie to me. I can handle the truth.”_

“It will. I _promise.”_ Akechi replies with a smile. “Things aren’t perfect yet, I don’t know if they ever will be. But it gets better. So hang in there, okay?”

_“Yeah… I’ll try my best.”_

His younger self manages a grin back as he takes a few steps further away. When Akechi blinks, the boy is gone, and an even younger one stands in his place. With a featherman figure clutched in his hands, the child, surely no older than 8 years old, stares up at him in awe. If the first spectre of his past was unexpected, this second one knocked the breath right out of him.

“ _You’re me, right?”_ The little boy squeaks.

“Y-Yeah… I’m you…” Akechi swallows, trying to get rid of the growing lump in his throat. He’d thought about this child so many times before. How he had no way of truly understanding how everything in his life was going wrong, and that it would only get worse from there. But before Akechi can say any of that, the child beams up at him, taking a few steps closer.

_“I can’t believe I’m really gonna be a hero!!”_ The young Akechi cheers, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Anything Akechi might have said evaporated off the tip of his tongue.

“What did you just say…?” He chokes out.

_“I said I’m gonna be a hero! Cuz that’s what_ you _are!”_

Akechi sinks to his knees, his legs suddenly unable to bear his weight.

“But… how can you even say that…?”

_“It’s cuz I’m you! You said I was! You’ve saved a whole bunch of people already, and you’re gonna save a bunch more!”_ He misses having the logic of a child. It made everything so much easier. But _hearing_ it makes everything so much more _difficult_.

“I’ve been trying… it’s all I ever _can_ do…” He says with a tired laugh.

“ _Hey, do you wanna know a secret?”_ The child suddenly asks.

“What? I… sure. What’s the secret?”

His younger self comes closer and starts to whisper, but in that way that a child does when they’re far too excited to actually quiet their voice.

_“Mama always says that I can be a hero one day. And Mama knows_ everything. _That means that you’re definitely a hero!”_

To a child, everything is so simple. Everything is so easy to believe. 

The grief washes over him like a wave. He tries and fails to hold back his tears, and tries and fails to look back up at his other self. So effortlessly full of hope.

_“There, there.”_

Clumsily, a small hand starts petting his hair. A young voice murmuring “there, there” over and over again until it begins to change. The hand on his head becomes more sure of itself. More intentional. More comforting. Just like the voice, the sound of which had before now only existed in his memories as if played from the bottom of a deep, deep ocean, its true sound too muddled to be heard.

Somehow he knew that looking up now would break the illusion. So instead he just smiles and let his eyes fall closed.

“Yeah… Mama _was_ always right, wasn’t she…”

_“-ro. Goro!_ Goro, c’mon, wake up!”

Akechi awakens to Akira frantically shaking his shoulders. 

“ _Huh…_ _Akira, I’m fine…_ Will you stop that?” He groans, swatting Akira’s hands away. The balmy air of Leblanc surrounds him again. Akira is back too, instead of the echoes of his past.

“Are you alright?! You just kinda... went out on me there.” Akira is standing right next to him now, rather than behind the bar. “It was only for a minute, but…”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“But… you’re crying again…” 

Akechi reached up to touch his cheeks, only to find them wet with fresh tears. He remembers that voice, the hand in his hair, and his sight becomes blurred all over again.

“ _Yeah... But I think I’m better now.”_ He chokes out. “ _Maybe just a bit lonely… I’ve let some things go, after all.”_

He smiles, even though the tears make it quiver. Immediately, Akira steps forward and pulls him into a hug. Balling his fists in Akira’s shirt, Akechi cries into his shoulder. All the uncertainty, the fear, the stress, the hatred of himself and of others, all of it comes gushing forth all at once. The dam is finally broken. 

As he cries, he can feel Akira’s hand rubbing his back. It’s different from the way his mother’s hand had felt all those years ago, when he’d come home from school crying from one scuffle or another. But nonetheless, the comfort it brings is the same. 

“You okay?” Akira asks when his cries begin to subside.

“ _I think so…”_

“It’s alright if you aren’t.”

“No… I’m going to be okay.” Akechi sits up, loosening his grip on Akira’s shirt, and notices the mess he left on Akira’s shoulder. “Oh God, I’m-”

“If you apologize to me, I’m kicking you out of the store.” Akira puts a finger to Akechi’s lips before he can finish his apology.

“But… But it’s really gross.”

“And I was going to change out of this shirt anyway!” Akira refuses to budge on the matter, crossing his arms matter-of-factly. “Besides, I think I owe _you_ an apology… I may have prodded you a bit too much back there.”

“No, not at all.” Akechi shakes his head. “Honestly, I think it’s what I needed. So thank you, Akira.” 

“Oh! Well, I’m glad I could help you get your thoughts in order.” Akira smiles, and Akechi can’t help but smile back.

“So… were you planning on sending the calling card today?”

“I was planning on calling everyone over, yeah. Should we hold off for another day? If you’re not ready, then we’re not going.”

“No, I’m ready. Masayoshi Shido is a stain on our society, and I’d like him _gone_ as soon as possible. Although…” He glances down at the cup of coffee he’d left unfinished on the counter, “I’d kind of like to go home and take a nap first… I didn’t exactly sleep well last night.”

“You can crash in my bed until later if you’d like. Save some time.” Akira offers, casual as ever.

“Are you serious?” He raises his eyebrows, but Akira shrugs.

“Sure. I need to check and see if Futaba needs any help with the calling card. But if you don’t want to, then obviously you can go-”

“No, no. It’s alright. I think I’ll take you up on that offer.” It wasn’t as if he hasn’t slept over at Leblanc before, even if he’d only ever slept on that old booth seat. It’s a completely innocuous offer, there’s no reason to think it meant anything more.

“Cool. Just let me throw some clothes on and then the place is all yours.” 

“Thank you, Akira.” 

“You’re welcome, Goro.” Akira grins, “Tonight, we’ll both get our payback.”

“And we’ll become heroes.” Akechi adds.

“Heroes, huh…?” Akira looks surprised for a moment, but then he nods, his smile now resolute. “Yeah… After tonight, we’ll be heroes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, holy wow, this is the longest thing I've ever written. I'm honestly kind of surprised that I managed to pull it off! But here it is, a snippet of my massive AU that I will probably never actually write in its entirety!
> 
> At the beginning stage of planning this, I came up with the idea of the version of the thieves past selves that sort of represent where their persona came from would appear in their minds for a brief moment. To spice it up a little, y'know? I hope it made even a tiny bit of sense instead of... not... making sense.
> 
> I want to give a huge, _huge_ thank you to the mods behind the Big Bang! You all put so much hard work into this and made it such an accessible process, even for someone like me who's never participated in an event like this before! It was _such_ a fantastic experience and it's definitely made me interested in doing more stuff like this in the future!
> 
> As always, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/KanoNavi) and [tumblr](https://kanonavi.tumblr.com/) (Though I must warn you that my tumblr is very very dead)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe out there! <3


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